It's early Thursday morning, five am early, and I am normally sleeping in to at least seven because it's the first morning of my weekend. But my alarm has gone off and I am lying in bed debating whether I want to get up and go do what I have signed up for. I lie there for about five minutes my body, which clearly would rather stay in bed, fighting with my mind, that knows the opportunity before me is too good to miss. My mind, thankfully, wins and I get up.
As the sunrise is just beginning to dawn on the city I drive southbound across the nearly vacant landscape to my destination. The closer I get the more nervous I become. Because, you see, I am heading to be fit tested. Fit testing is an entire body fitness testing process that scientifically calculates your overall fitness level, necessary caloric intake, hydration level, cardiovascular conditioning and oxygen intake. Basically, it's something you would pay a personal fitness trainer or facility a lot of money for to determine your overall condition and create a nutritional and fitness program personalized for your needs. This awesome, in depth process is being offered to me for free and will help me tremendously in my exercise and food intake, but it also terrifies me. You see, I have an overall image of where I stand physically. I know I can eat better and do more exercise, but I'm not in poor shape and don't eat horribly....so I can live in this happy bubble of semi-contentment believing that I'm doing 'okay'. The closer I get to the test, the more I know my happy bubble is about to burst and I will be faced with the reality of how much work is ahead of me if I'm serious about changing.
The test was not difficult, and did not take a long time. The results were no worse than I imagined and everything I hoped I would miraculously not hear. I am, on the whole, healthy. I am by no means obese, nor am I the proper weight. Basically, I need to do more work. I need to pay more attention to what I am eating and how I am working out and I need to do more. It's what I knew I would hear and what I had dreaded hearing all morning. It was the truth, right there in black and white and so clear I could not ignore it. Ignoring it would mean giving up, and I promised myself I would not give up this time.
I drove home anxious and depressed. Not because I can't do more but because I don't want to. Because my pretty little bubble of a self image was burst and I had to see the reality in front of me. Basically I was pouting. When I got home I sat down and began my scripture study for the day. In my prayers I asked for guidance and perseverance to do what is necessary to make me a more healthy and strong person. When I lifted my head I set out to make a plan. I put together a menu and shopping list, something I never do. I created a workout schedule, another thing I never do. and began putting plan into action. My sense of moping disappeared, replaced with a content and excited hope at the prospect of even more change.
It didn't strike me at the moment, but now that I'm writing I cannot help but see and be amazed at the similarities in my physical and spiritual growth. When God bursts my self righteous little bubble and points out to me the truths of where I stand and what I need to change, my reaction is no different. It amazes me that He is ever patient with my sullenness and stubborn refusal to see things His way. How much happier I am when I concede and begin putting His plans into action in my life.
There is a comment the Fit test instructor made that I hope will ever stay with me. When talking about a nutritional plan he said, "Laura remember, you cannot out train your mouth no matter how hard you try. If you take in junk you will look and feel like junk.". How right he is and how true that comment is for me spiritually too. I cannot spiritually out train what I take in. If I continuously take in garbage, I will look and feel like garbage as my spirit is weighed down by the darkness I'm taking in. So it is with my physical body when I eat trash. I can't win if I'm willing to defeat myself with what I take in. This life is physically and spiritually a battle. It's time to begin training like a fighter.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
The smallest ripple awakens even the most still waters
Okay, originally my plan was to post every day.....but. (I always like to get a little but in there) The reality of working a 13:20hr shift is by the time I get home, clean up and eat I'm depleted and it's already time for bed. So, from here on out you won't hear from me Mon-Weds nights. Instead I will give you an update on Thursday mornings. That way I can build suspense and all that goodness....cuz I know you can't wait to hear what I have to say. :) Now on to my week thus far.
Monday was a pretty average day, and I wouldn't say I did something crazy or exciting by any stretch. I did, however, start something that I hope will be life changing even in it's simpleness. I typically wake up for work at about 4:30am, 4:45 if I'm pushing it, to get ready to leave by 5am. I made a conscious decision on Monday to begin getting up at 4:15am and spending that extra 15minutes praying and studying scriptures. Now, I've been working on my personal study time a lot the last couple months and have been pretty regular about picking up the scriptures and reading at least a couple times a week. But I wanted this to be different. I wanted to take the time, not just to read the word of God or to say a quick prayer before getting up but to stop and truly dedicate my day to the Lord. To ask Him to guide my words, thoughts and deeds. To pray for those in need and to give me grace to follow Him more.
I don't know why, but that extra 15minutes in bed is crazy tempting. Even so, I got myself out of bed and went to the living room where I immediately knelt in prayer. The house was dark and perfectly still as I poured my heart out to my maker. As I lifted my head and sat up to read I could feel my mind become sharper and focused. The sleepy stupor normally associated with dawn was gone as I read about Ruth and her obedience. As I read I considered all of the women in the Bible who are examples of Godly women, and how from a child we are taught to be like them. Then a thought so simple and clear came to my mind, "You should not want to be like these women. They are not your goal. You should want to be like you, a woman striving to serve God. That is who you need to be." I wanted to laugh with the simple joy the thought gave me. Of course! If I keep trying to be like these women, I am holding them on some strange pedestal they don't need and probably wouldn't want. I need to focus on being ME, the best me, the me who strives to follow God.
So, I started my day working on me. And it was a crazy good day!
Tuesday, I once again woke up and had a devotional time with the Lord. However, I was halfway through the day thinking, "I guess I have nothing to show for this day, because I have not seen any new opportunities or ways to step out of myself." Right then I saw a co-worker of mine who I know does weight lifting on a regular basis. I have been wanting to learn proper weight lifting and infuse it into my new work out regimen, but I didn't know who to ask or how to go about it without finding a personal trainer which costs more than I am willing to spend at the moment. As I went past my co-worker I thought, "why not just ask him". Well....I am not someone to 'just ask' anyone for anything, much less people that I am not close with. It's not a matter of pride for me, but fear. I'm always afraid I will be shot down and just decide it's better not to ask. I hesitated....passed him by and knew this was my one shot to be brave. I doubled back and felt like a fool as I asked for help. I thought my face would break in half with how much I was smiling when he said, without hesitation, sure I can help you out with that. Let's make a plan for next week. Score!!!!! I thought my adventure was over for the day, but God had more in store.
After lunch time I stepped into a quiet office for a break when the same co-worker came in. We chatted back and forth for a few minutes and he began to ask me about my church and what I believe. I felt a small knot of fear in my gut and was unsure of how to proceed but I said a quick prayer in my head and forged on sharing what knowledge I have of church history and what was on my heart. The conversation lasted about a half hour, and by the time it was over my mind and emotions were exhausted but I was at peace. I had opened my mouth and shared the word of God, talk about going out of your comfort zone!
Looking collectively over the last three days of my week you may not see differences that you consider to be significant or life changing. But I would disagree with you. I keep my personal world to myself when I'm at work. Partly out of protecting myself and partly out of fear. Those are two horrible reasons to withhold from my co-workers the best parts of my life. I have to learn to be the change in my environment and that may take small changes over time. But you know what they say about small pebbles dropped in the water....
Monday was a pretty average day, and I wouldn't say I did something crazy or exciting by any stretch. I did, however, start something that I hope will be life changing even in it's simpleness. I typically wake up for work at about 4:30am, 4:45 if I'm pushing it, to get ready to leave by 5am. I made a conscious decision on Monday to begin getting up at 4:15am and spending that extra 15minutes praying and studying scriptures. Now, I've been working on my personal study time a lot the last couple months and have been pretty regular about picking up the scriptures and reading at least a couple times a week. But I wanted this to be different. I wanted to take the time, not just to read the word of God or to say a quick prayer before getting up but to stop and truly dedicate my day to the Lord. To ask Him to guide my words, thoughts and deeds. To pray for those in need and to give me grace to follow Him more.
I don't know why, but that extra 15minutes in bed is crazy tempting. Even so, I got myself out of bed and went to the living room where I immediately knelt in prayer. The house was dark and perfectly still as I poured my heart out to my maker. As I lifted my head and sat up to read I could feel my mind become sharper and focused. The sleepy stupor normally associated with dawn was gone as I read about Ruth and her obedience. As I read I considered all of the women in the Bible who are examples of Godly women, and how from a child we are taught to be like them. Then a thought so simple and clear came to my mind, "You should not want to be like these women. They are not your goal. You should want to be like you, a woman striving to serve God. That is who you need to be." I wanted to laugh with the simple joy the thought gave me. Of course! If I keep trying to be like these women, I am holding them on some strange pedestal they don't need and probably wouldn't want. I need to focus on being ME, the best me, the me who strives to follow God.
So, I started my day working on me. And it was a crazy good day!
Tuesday, I once again woke up and had a devotional time with the Lord. However, I was halfway through the day thinking, "I guess I have nothing to show for this day, because I have not seen any new opportunities or ways to step out of myself." Right then I saw a co-worker of mine who I know does weight lifting on a regular basis. I have been wanting to learn proper weight lifting and infuse it into my new work out regimen, but I didn't know who to ask or how to go about it without finding a personal trainer which costs more than I am willing to spend at the moment. As I went past my co-worker I thought, "why not just ask him". Well....I am not someone to 'just ask' anyone for anything, much less people that I am not close with. It's not a matter of pride for me, but fear. I'm always afraid I will be shot down and just decide it's better not to ask. I hesitated....passed him by and knew this was my one shot to be brave. I doubled back and felt like a fool as I asked for help. I thought my face would break in half with how much I was smiling when he said, without hesitation, sure I can help you out with that. Let's make a plan for next week. Score!!!!! I thought my adventure was over for the day, but God had more in store.
After lunch time I stepped into a quiet office for a break when the same co-worker came in. We chatted back and forth for a few minutes and he began to ask me about my church and what I believe. I felt a small knot of fear in my gut and was unsure of how to proceed but I said a quick prayer in my head and forged on sharing what knowledge I have of church history and what was on my heart. The conversation lasted about a half hour, and by the time it was over my mind and emotions were exhausted but I was at peace. I had opened my mouth and shared the word of God, talk about going out of your comfort zone!
Looking collectively over the last three days of my week you may not see differences that you consider to be significant or life changing. But I would disagree with you. I keep my personal world to myself when I'm at work. Partly out of protecting myself and partly out of fear. Those are two horrible reasons to withhold from my co-workers the best parts of my life. I have to learn to be the change in my environment and that may take small changes over time. But you know what they say about small pebbles dropped in the water....
Sunday, September 4, 2011
The Day of Rest Fully Realized
There have been a few questions bouncing around in my head regarding my new commitment to myself. How do I do one new, scary and different thing every day when I still have to fit in my life responsibilities (working 14hr days, church etc.)?
I had fully decided to report to you my failure for today when I realized it is not even four o'clock on a Sunday and my clothes for work are being washed, my lunch is ready, and I have (for the first time since I cannot remember when) completely been at rest all day. Now, you may not see this as a new, exciting or different thing worthy of commenting on. But that would be because you don't know my usual Sunday routine.
You see, Sunday is known as being the day of rest. Historically businesses worldwide closed on Sundays, the world stopped moving to honor God and to center themselves before beginning another hectic week. God himself set the example for us by resting on the seventh day! But what does a normal Sunday mean for me? Constant movement at a dizzying pace. Let me lay out for you a 'normal' Sunday.
7am: wake up and get Sunday School lessons ready
8am: get myself ready
9:30ish: go pick up Aunt Donna
9:45am: teach Sunday School
11am: Sermon
12pm: potluck at church
2pm: run home and get wash started
3:30pm: back to church for choir
4:30pm: run back home to switch loads and feed my dog
5:30pm: back to church to lead song service
6pm: night church
7:30pm: back home to finish laundry and get dinner before going to bed
Where exactly in all of that going is my time to rest and reflect? I am more exhausted at the end of a Sunday than any other day of the week. Pretty much exactly opposite of what the day was originally intended for!
So, today I made a change. One that I hope will stick. I still did Sunday School and went to services, but I went home right after and have spent my afternoon resting. I have studied scripture, done my laundry and simply sat reflecting on the purpose of this blessed day set aside to glorify my God. I cannot tell you what a difference it has been!! I am calm, centered and feel completely refreshed. My normal rushed anxious beginning of the week fervor has been replaced with stillness. The house is quiet as the late afternoon light streams through the windows. The only sounds are my laundry, the air conditioning and the typing of my keys as I write to you. So this is what a Sunday should feel like! This is a day I could grow to love like never before!!
Such a small change, with such a great and immediate impact on my life. I cannot thank my Lord enough for this His day of rest.
I had fully decided to report to you my failure for today when I realized it is not even four o'clock on a Sunday and my clothes for work are being washed, my lunch is ready, and I have (for the first time since I cannot remember when) completely been at rest all day. Now, you may not see this as a new, exciting or different thing worthy of commenting on. But that would be because you don't know my usual Sunday routine.
You see, Sunday is known as being the day of rest. Historically businesses worldwide closed on Sundays, the world stopped moving to honor God and to center themselves before beginning another hectic week. God himself set the example for us by resting on the seventh day! But what does a normal Sunday mean for me? Constant movement at a dizzying pace. Let me lay out for you a 'normal' Sunday.
7am: wake up and get Sunday School lessons ready
8am: get myself ready
9:30ish: go pick up Aunt Donna
9:45am: teach Sunday School
11am: Sermon
12pm: potluck at church
2pm: run home and get wash started
3:30pm: back to church for choir
4:30pm: run back home to switch loads and feed my dog
5:30pm: back to church to lead song service
6pm: night church
7:30pm: back home to finish laundry and get dinner before going to bed
Where exactly in all of that going is my time to rest and reflect? I am more exhausted at the end of a Sunday than any other day of the week. Pretty much exactly opposite of what the day was originally intended for!
So, today I made a change. One that I hope will stick. I still did Sunday School and went to services, but I went home right after and have spent my afternoon resting. I have studied scripture, done my laundry and simply sat reflecting on the purpose of this blessed day set aside to glorify my God. I cannot tell you what a difference it has been!! I am calm, centered and feel completely refreshed. My normal rushed anxious beginning of the week fervor has been replaced with stillness. The house is quiet as the late afternoon light streams through the windows. The only sounds are my laundry, the air conditioning and the typing of my keys as I write to you. So this is what a Sunday should feel like! This is a day I could grow to love like never before!!
Such a small change, with such a great and immediate impact on my life. I cannot thank my Lord enough for this His day of rest.
Saturday, September 3, 2011
Muay Thai and Boys: In that Order
So, this is day two and I have a TON to share. As I promised I did indeed ask a certain male (who will remain nameless) about going out and I was amazed by the answer. Amazed because I was expecting and emotionally preparing for a turn down. You may wonder why I would expect that....and in time it will become clear to you, but for now we will not go into it all.
Anywhoo...the response, which made me ridiculously giddy, was that he would love too but we would have to plan another time as he is out of town this weekend. As soon as I read the words I felt like a tard, of course he's out of town half of my friends are out of town camping for Labor Day weekend. I would pick the impossible weekend to finally work up the courage to ask! However, there is a future meeting in the works...so all is well.
As for today's adventure! I have, for the last three months, been toying with the idea of learning some sort of street fighting or mixed martial arts. In fact, several weeks ago a friend of mine at work helped me pick out several options of reputable gyms and trainers in my area. As usual, I have delayed doing anything about it with excuses varying from, "Its too much extra money to spend." to "I would end up giving it up after a couple weeks anyway...I always do that".
Yesterday when I made my decision to begin this blog and string you along with me on my journey through 'lauraness' I made a concerted effort to search out the gyms near my home and select one to 'just try out' and report back to you today. I did my research, found the gym that looked like the best fit and called to let them know I would be in for the 10am Saturday morning class. I was on cloud nine, "I'm actually going to do this." I told myself, "And it's okay if I decide I don't like it". Then I piled in my car and headed toward work.
As I drove the 25 miles into work I started discussing with myself the pros and cons of trying out the gym. (for clarity I will refer to myself as X and Y) X: I work till three am, how will I get up and be to the class at 10am? Y: You will never know whether you like it if you don't try! X: But I never follow through on training plans like this, I always give it up a couple weeks in! In fact, I can't even follow healthy eating habits for more than a couple weeks without giving up! Y: Well, why do you think you give up? X: What?! How do I know?......Y: Laura, don't you think maybe you give up because you are sabotaging yourself? X: What?!! Why would I do that?....Y: Isn't it because you don't think you are worthy of being thin and beautiful? You do it every time, you know that you are giving up and you do it anyway...why don't you think you deserve to be your best?
It felt like a million bricks had just hit me. I felt sick to my stomach and was short of breath as my mind played over all the times I have had 'great plans' to better myself in some way and fallen short. Not because I couldn't accomplish my goal, but because some ugly part of myself told me I was not worthy to. 'How is this the first time I have realized what I do to myself?', I thought, 'How in thirty years of life have I continued living as a shadow of my full potential without recognizing the limits I put on myself?' Tears sprung to my eyes as I realized I would have to face this demon of mine head on or always fall just short of my abilities.
I called the only person I knew who would fully understand this random and earth shattering break through. As the phone rang I silently prayed to be able to just leave a voicemail, because the weight of my new discovery was too heavy to speak of without falling to pieces. Thankfully, it went to voice mail and I stuttered out a jumble of words trying to convey what I had just emotionally gone through. Then I had to put it out of my mind so that I could focus on work. I know I will be revisiting this demon of mine for quite a while....maybe for the rest of my life. But for the first time I recognize it's true self and know how to fight back.
This morning 9:30 came way too fast. As the alarm went off I lay in bed thinking, "You haven't had enough sleep. You aren't strong enough today to get through a full workout...just do it another day." NO! I screamed back. I know what you're about now, and you won't trick me anymore. I WILL get up and go, I don't care if I collapse on the floor while I'm there, I won't sabotage myself anymore with lame excuses!! I bolted out of bed and got myself to the gym.
I am by nature timid in new surroundings. I am sure my trepidation was written all over my face as I walked in the door. Thankfully Saturday's are small class days, so says my new coach, so there were only four of us in the entire gym. Paul, my new coach, is a Muay Thai champion from Thailand and has trained several champion fighters in California and Arizona. You wouldn't know it if you met him on the street. His smile is contagious and his bubbly laugh would make a lifelong biker gang member smile. He was friendly, but completely focused on giving me the best possible instructions on my form and footwork. By the end of the hour long class I was completely hooked. The movements somehow feel 'right' and natural. The work out is exhausting! I nearly passed out a couple times, possibly due to my lack of sleep and food, but I'm so glad I went. Score one for Laura, zero for her personal demons. :)
The coolest thing about today is I am so thrilled with my personal firsts that, until I sat down to write this post, I completely forgot about the 'boy'. How awesome is that!! Muay Thai...then boys...it's a great day!
Anywhoo...the response, which made me ridiculously giddy, was that he would love too but we would have to plan another time as he is out of town this weekend. As soon as I read the words I felt like a tard, of course he's out of town half of my friends are out of town camping for Labor Day weekend. I would pick the impossible weekend to finally work up the courage to ask! However, there is a future meeting in the works...so all is well.
As for today's adventure! I have, for the last three months, been toying with the idea of learning some sort of street fighting or mixed martial arts. In fact, several weeks ago a friend of mine at work helped me pick out several options of reputable gyms and trainers in my area. As usual, I have delayed doing anything about it with excuses varying from, "Its too much extra money to spend." to "I would end up giving it up after a couple weeks anyway...I always do that".
Yesterday when I made my decision to begin this blog and string you along with me on my journey through 'lauraness' I made a concerted effort to search out the gyms near my home and select one to 'just try out' and report back to you today. I did my research, found the gym that looked like the best fit and called to let them know I would be in for the 10am Saturday morning class. I was on cloud nine, "I'm actually going to do this." I told myself, "And it's okay if I decide I don't like it". Then I piled in my car and headed toward work.
As I drove the 25 miles into work I started discussing with myself the pros and cons of trying out the gym. (for clarity I will refer to myself as X and Y) X: I work till three am, how will I get up and be to the class at 10am? Y: You will never know whether you like it if you don't try! X: But I never follow through on training plans like this, I always give it up a couple weeks in! In fact, I can't even follow healthy eating habits for more than a couple weeks without giving up! Y: Well, why do you think you give up? X: What?! How do I know?......Y: Laura, don't you think maybe you give up because you are sabotaging yourself? X: What?!! Why would I do that?....Y: Isn't it because you don't think you are worthy of being thin and beautiful? You do it every time, you know that you are giving up and you do it anyway...why don't you think you deserve to be your best?
It felt like a million bricks had just hit me. I felt sick to my stomach and was short of breath as my mind played over all the times I have had 'great plans' to better myself in some way and fallen short. Not because I couldn't accomplish my goal, but because some ugly part of myself told me I was not worthy to. 'How is this the first time I have realized what I do to myself?', I thought, 'How in thirty years of life have I continued living as a shadow of my full potential without recognizing the limits I put on myself?' Tears sprung to my eyes as I realized I would have to face this demon of mine head on or always fall just short of my abilities.
I called the only person I knew who would fully understand this random and earth shattering break through. As the phone rang I silently prayed to be able to just leave a voicemail, because the weight of my new discovery was too heavy to speak of without falling to pieces. Thankfully, it went to voice mail and I stuttered out a jumble of words trying to convey what I had just emotionally gone through. Then I had to put it out of my mind so that I could focus on work. I know I will be revisiting this demon of mine for quite a while....maybe for the rest of my life. But for the first time I recognize it's true self and know how to fight back.
This morning 9:30 came way too fast. As the alarm went off I lay in bed thinking, "You haven't had enough sleep. You aren't strong enough today to get through a full workout...just do it another day." NO! I screamed back. I know what you're about now, and you won't trick me anymore. I WILL get up and go, I don't care if I collapse on the floor while I'm there, I won't sabotage myself anymore with lame excuses!! I bolted out of bed and got myself to the gym.
I am by nature timid in new surroundings. I am sure my trepidation was written all over my face as I walked in the door. Thankfully Saturday's are small class days, so says my new coach, so there were only four of us in the entire gym. Paul, my new coach, is a Muay Thai champion from Thailand and has trained several champion fighters in California and Arizona. You wouldn't know it if you met him on the street. His smile is contagious and his bubbly laugh would make a lifelong biker gang member smile. He was friendly, but completely focused on giving me the best possible instructions on my form and footwork. By the end of the hour long class I was completely hooked. The movements somehow feel 'right' and natural. The work out is exhausting! I nearly passed out a couple times, possibly due to my lack of sleep and food, but I'm so glad I went. Score one for Laura, zero for her personal demons. :)
The coolest thing about today is I am so thrilled with my personal firsts that, until I sat down to write this post, I completely forgot about the 'boy'. How awesome is that!! Muay Thai...then boys...it's a great day!
Friday, September 2, 2011
The year of me
I know there is currently no one reading my blog...and in a way I love that and hope to always write as though no one is reading. Today I would like to announce to no one...that this is the year of me. Now, all of those zero people who are reading this and know me personally may be shocked at that statement and be thinking, "what? so your going to be a selfish jerk this year and forget all of the wonderful things you should do for others?" let me calm your fears. I will not ignore my tasks and duties this year, and I will continue to embrace being the loving and giving person that I truly enjoy being, but there are a few changes coming as well.
I have come to the realization that I don't do much to explore what makes me tick as a human being. I do and give because I care for those around me and because I firmly believe I should. But what do I love for just me alone and no one else? I don't know.... I can't even ask someone out on a simple date for fear that it might upset them or someone else. What a retarded way to live. So, starting today (September 2, 2011) I will be taking all of the no one's reading my blog on a daily journey of exploration. Don't get too heated, I will not be doing anything immoral or illegal in any way, but I will be making changes and taking risks I have been too afraid, lazy or unsure to do before. And I have already started. ;)
Today I deactivated my facebook account. I'm tired of using it and tired of it being used as a way for distant acquaintances to dig through the details of my life that only dear friends would or should know without it. If you know me and are dear to me, we will not lose contact. If you don't know me and are distant to me we will remain in a natural state of general acquaintance. I feel crazy liberated and free. Several months back I had deactivated the account and LOVED it, but was convinced by my family to open the account again. Ever since, I have been sorry I did so. This time it is permanent. Goodbye internet ball and chain!!
For my second act of the day I will be asking a friend out on a fun, light hearted date. I have always looked at dating as an approach to potential relationship, marriage. I don't know if I'm cut out for 'fun' dating, but I'm going to give it a whirl and let you know how it works out. (every awesome, sad and embarrassing detail) And, unlike facebook, since I know no one is following what I write I know you won't shove your nose where it doesn't belong, so to speak. Okay, I'm off to try out a random date.....I'll get back with you on how it goes.
I have come to the realization that I don't do much to explore what makes me tick as a human being. I do and give because I care for those around me and because I firmly believe I should. But what do I love for just me alone and no one else? I don't know.... I can't even ask someone out on a simple date for fear that it might upset them or someone else. What a retarded way to live. So, starting today (September 2, 2011) I will be taking all of the no one's reading my blog on a daily journey of exploration. Don't get too heated, I will not be doing anything immoral or illegal in any way, but I will be making changes and taking risks I have been too afraid, lazy or unsure to do before. And I have already started. ;)
Today I deactivated my facebook account. I'm tired of using it and tired of it being used as a way for distant acquaintances to dig through the details of my life that only dear friends would or should know without it. If you know me and are dear to me, we will not lose contact. If you don't know me and are distant to me we will remain in a natural state of general acquaintance. I feel crazy liberated and free. Several months back I had deactivated the account and LOVED it, but was convinced by my family to open the account again. Ever since, I have been sorry I did so. This time it is permanent. Goodbye internet ball and chain!!
For my second act of the day I will be asking a friend out on a fun, light hearted date. I have always looked at dating as an approach to potential relationship, marriage. I don't know if I'm cut out for 'fun' dating, but I'm going to give it a whirl and let you know how it works out. (every awesome, sad and embarrassing detail) And, unlike facebook, since I know no one is following what I write I know you won't shove your nose where it doesn't belong, so to speak. Okay, I'm off to try out a random date.....I'll get back with you on how it goes.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)