Friday, August 24, 2012

Random Bursts of Happiness

I don't know what the thunder is going on with me today, but whatever it is it's a good thing.  I woke up this morning like any other and set about getting ready for work.  Somewhere on the road between home and work my heart began lifting up.  Maybe taking a cue from the clouds that slowly lifted back like a curtain opening the whole of the heavens to my view.  With every passing mile the day became more beautiful and pure unadulterated happiness began bubbling up out of me until it burst forth in random smiles and giggles.  I cannot explain why...there is no specific reason.  But today is a fantastically happy day.  I feel like I'm floating on the perfect rainbow that spanned the sky in my very honor. (okay maybe that last part is going a bit far....maybe.)

Monday, August 13, 2012

Sweat, Alfalfa, Sunrise and Koi

While driving into work this morning I was running through my mind what tasks needed to be completed when I sadly realized I have to stay late at work for a mandatory meeting.  Three and a half hours past 4pm is not so bad....until you consider I will have to drive about an hour across the valley to get home.  That puts me arriving home at about 8:30pm, which is exactly 8hrs from when I have to leave for work again tomorrow morning.  As this reality dawned on me I struggled to determine what I would do in the two and a half hours between work and this meeting.  Then an idea dawned in the back of my mind...I could go for a run this morning and cross train after work. Hmmm...

I should explain that Monday's are typically a cross train day for me.  I get to work early enough to spend a good 45min-Hour with weights and other such nonsense.  Tuesday and Wednesday are currently my run days, so to run this morning meant either adjusting my entire work out schedule for the week or just add another run in.  As I drove I mulled over the possibilities.  Did I really want to run in the morning and do my cross training in the afternoon? That would be somewhat overzealous, no? And who knows what it could lead to!  What if I became one of those run all the time people?!  This could be dangerous.  And it's not like following my regular routine and taking that three hours to just rest would be lazy exactly.  I would still have done a solid workout for the day.

While parking my car I made my decision.  There was no pressing reason to do more than necessary, sometimes more is not better it's just more.  I would follow my regular routine.  As I crossed the street I switched my iPhone from it's current audio book to my running music.  I found myself walking toward the running path by the canal and watching the back of  giant Koi crest the placid water as I stretched....it was all too inviting, I was going to run.

There is an irrigation canal that runs just west of my new work location.  It heads south into the city of Gilbert and is flanked on it's western border by fields of corn and alfalfa.  Inside the canal swim multitudes of the largest and most beautiful Koi I have ever seen.  The water is clear enough you can watch their solid muscular bodies sometimes slicing through the water like torpedoes, sometimes suspended as if they had no concern but to float with the calm current of the channel.  To the south and east of the canal are beautiful mountain ranges.  Shadows touching their peaks and canyons like folds of a soft blanket thrown over the rocky heights.  The fields impregnate the surrounding air with the odor of warm earth, growth and decay.  The odors of agriculture, the odors of my childhood. Every mile or so there are dams created for the even distribution of water to other smaller canals.  At each of these crossroads the water at once becomes a bubbling cauldron as a miniature waterfall is formed by the changing water levels.  The sound is at once arresting and soothing, enticing you to stay and listen to it's melody.

This morning the air was cooler than the past week has been.  There was a very quiet breeze that even bordered on feeling fresh as it touched my cheeks which were hot from my exertions.  As I ran I allowed the surroundings to soak into my being.  The colors, odors, sounds even the feel of the path beneath my feet...I wanted to take it all in and make it a permanent part of my memory.  Arriving at my first road crossing I paused to look back toward the northeast.  The sunrise was stunning.  A bright orange orb rising from behind the mountains and ascending through clouds.  The sky blushed a rich pink hue as warm yellow fingers of sunlight sliced through the clouds and burst out onto the world.  It was a sunrise of  singular beauty, painted by my creator just for me to see in that perfect moment.

I won't lie and say I am now perfectly happy with getting home late tonight and not having as much rest as I am used to...but I will say I am thankful.  Thankful for the rising of the sun, for another day full of opportunity, for the gift of being physically able to exercise and sweat, for the smell of alfalfa and for the beautiful Koi.         

Saturday, August 11, 2012

On Leading

On various occasions over the years have been told that there is something special about me, that I am born to be a leader or have some great destiny set before me.  I would like to go on record for a moment to say that there is no good in me.  There is only one good and that is God, if there is anything good in things I have done or said in my life it is only a gift of His grace to me because I have plenty of failings to speak of.  And by the way, it is terrifying to be told you are meant for greatness.  I look at my life and I see nothing particularly great that has been achieved, then I think I must be failing or there must yet me some insurmountable task before me that in all honesty I do not want to face.

I recently had this conversation with a friend of mine, we will name him Sven because I like Scandinavian names, and discussed with him the dread I feel inside when over the years I have heard such comments made.  I said if being a leader meant I could just go about my life living and loving people as I have thus far then I was fine with that, but if it implied some great task set before me I wanted no part of that leadership, it was too scary, too much.  He then asked, "Well, what if you are a leader just by being you and nothing else?"  Well, that would be okay with me, and after that the conversation went another way.  But as someone who is constantly thinking (a very dangerous trait at times) I continued to mull over the conversation in my mind.  What is it to be a leader?  Well, very simply this is what I have come to.

Many years ago a member of my church was given a vision.  I cannot relate it to you word for word as I do not have it in front of me and I apologize for any mistakes in my memory, but I will share with you what of it made a lasting impression on my young mind.  He saw a frozen wasteland and across it were scattered believers.  We were all struggling towards some sort of safety (i don't recall what) and were forced to walk through a menacing gale that threatened to blow us off course and into oblivion.  Many people came from different directions and converged on the same course, some carrying nothing and some bogged down with the weight of their belongings.  As the gale blew harder some lost hold and were blown away, some began to let go of their bags to lighten their load and ensure their safe passage, but others held on tighter refusing to let go.  There were a few who had stakes with them and they began to drive them deep into the frozen ground as anchors.  Those people surrounding them began to hold on to them to keep themselves from being swept away by the brutal winds.  When the person awoke he felt upset that those who refused to loose themselves from their baggage would use take the strength of others as their anchor, but he was given the following understanding:

The group of believers were all those whose hearts were seeking Christ and the winds were the temptations and trials of Satan blowing them off the goal of salvation.  The baggage that some carried were the hopes, belongings and joys of this life.  Some would be willing to let go of them and others would allow this life to weigh them down.  The ground that the stakes were driven into was the foundation of the word of God which held them fast to their goal.  Some would not have the strength on their own to drive fast into the word and be an anchor for others.  Some needed the strength of those around them to hold true to their course.  The responsibility of those gifted to drive anchors into the foundation, was to be a strength to those around them.  To be a strength in the midst of the storm.

I heard that vision related when I was a young teenager, and it remains an impressive and moving image in my mind to this day.  From that moment until now I have prayed that God might bless me to be that anchor for someone when my time comes.  To hold fast so strong and true to His word that I might bring some relief to a soul weary from their journey, to give them a moment of rest.

After my conversation with Sven I mused over what was said, my memory of this vision and my hopes and prayers associated with it.  If that is what it is to someday be a leader, if it means to drive my strength and trust and hope deep into the solid foundation of the word of God; to follow that word to the end of my days, then I am okay with that.  It doesn't fill me with the same dread or fear as it did before.  If leading just means following my Lord and Savior over all else, well that would be just fine with me. In that case...lead on Lord.