There are many things that make my heart swell with joy and perfect happiness, the following is but one. This will not take long and may not be tremendously poignant to you, but for me it is a moment that will live in my heart forever. My dear friend Amy's oldest son is a very grown little man at nine years old now. He has become old enough that he makes it clear he does not need kisses anymore and only sometimes wants to hug or cuddle with you. I am good with this, I am familiar with the process of separation that comes naturally as sweet cuddly boys grow into themselves and I do my best to give him whatever space he needs. But I do not do so without feeling a good amount of sadness and longing for the days when he would crawl into my lap and want me to rock him and sing him songs before bed.
Having felt those childlike strings being cut away from me it was a special thrill to have the following conversation with him a couple weeks ago. He walked up to me during a break in our Junior Young Peoples group at church and out of the blue felt the need to tell me he only liked to spend the night at his grandma's house, not anywhere else. I asked him, "what about times when you have spent the night with me?". "Oh yeah", he replied, "I do like to spend the night with you." "Well, what about your Aunt Erica?", I asked. He pursed his lips into a small smile and said, "Well really I just mean I only like to spend the night with family."
Now, those of you who may be reading this and not have met me yet will not know the different smiles that I have. I have many, and they often randomly flash across my face without my realization. I have a smile that says I am exhausted but I love you so I am trying to listen. One that says I am thinking about something I find clever or a pun on what you just said. I have angry smiles that are reserved for when I am telling myself to contain the emotion welling up inside me. There is the smile that says I am perfectly content and have no cares at that moment in time. A smile of pride when someone I love has done something well. Some of my smiles reach all the way into my eyes and make them twinkle (I know cuz I can feel them shimmering) and some of them are so slight just the corner of my mouth and one eyebrow go up. I could go on and on but I know I already have babbled too much, you don't care about my myriad of smiles and I have tortured you long enough.
In that moment in time, when I was granted the most honored status of family by this sweet boy I have loved and held in my arms and my heart for so long, I smiled more fully than I have ever smiled in my life. I think my whole body smiled as my heart swelled up inside of me till I thought it might burst from the joy. Family...even thinking of it now the smile plastered on my face makes me look like a fool and I love it. He will probably never fully know the gift he gave me that day. It was better than all the treasures of all the kingdoms ever.
