I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Philippians 4:13
Whenever a child tells me 'I can't do it' my immediate response is, 'We never say 'I can't' because that is not true. Sometimes things are very hard or you don't know how to do them and it's okay to acknowledge that and say 'it's very hard or I don't know how' but nothing is impossible if we try our hardest and pray for God to help us. You CAN do it.'
I realize they are probably only half listening and wondering when I am going to stop talking and let them play already, but I feel very strongly that it is an important distinction to make for myself and for a growing child. I want them to grow up knowing that if they give 100% and seek the blessings of God, they can accomplish things that seem impossible. I also want and need the reminder for myself on a regular basis. I find that most times when we look at something and say 'I can't' what we truly mean is 'I don't know how', ' I am scared I will fail', ' I know it will be very hard and I don't want to try'. Can't becomes what we say when the truth is we won't.
Sometime last year I set a goal for myself. I decided I would run a marathon before I turn thirty-five. I began training and preparing for races. I then selected the marathon I wanted to run and began working toward it. In January I ran a 15K with a good friend of mine. It was a beautiful day and I felt fully confident and on the path to achieving my goal. I noticed some pain in my Achilles but chalked it up to the stress of the run I had just completed. Within two months I could barely walk around the block without severe pain and I began to have shooting pain up the back of my legs. I ended up in physical therapy with tendinitis in both Achilles, Posterior Tibial Ligaments and Plantar Fasciitis. It took three months of physical therapy before I could even begin light hiking and a couple months more before running any distance without risking permanent damage was an option. My goal seemed foolish, it couldn't be done. I struggled against gaining weight and a deep sadness that I cannot even explain. Silly to be that down over something so simple as restricted movement. I still was abundantly blessed and was slowly recovering, but the sadness was very palpable.
As soon as I was cleared to begin running again I was hit with the realization that in a matter of months I had gone from completing a 15K to barely finishing a mile and having to baby my still recovering feet. I struggled with the desire to just give up and only focus on exercises that didn't require stress on my feet. If I couldn't make my goal what was the point anyway? During this period of recovery I became very dependent on the above verse from Philippians. If I believe this is a promise from the creator of the universe and if I believe that He is faithful in all of His promises, then I must conclude that hope is not lost and therefore I should not give up. The progress felt tremendously slow, but I did not give up.
About a month ago I mentioned to my cousin and one of my best friends that I had made this goal of running a marathon and I thought I had found one that I could train for and complete just two weeks shy of my thirty-fifth birthday. To my surprise...she told me she would train and plan to run it with me. I was over the moon thrilled when two more dear friends spoke up saying they would like to tackle the course as well. I set up a coaching program and I began doing light training to prepare myself. I was full of thrilled excitement at the prospect of actually making this goal become a reality when I made the fatal error of looking ahead at my training schedule. I believe there is a good reason we are not given a play by play of our futures. Can you imagine how terrified we would be to see the obstacles coming our way and not have the gift of blindly working through the small steps that take us through them? I stared at the numbers on that schedule and thought, "I have been running 10-12 miles each week and I'm supposed to do that much in a single run in how many weeks? I can't do that!" I was scared, worried, unsure of how it would be accomplished and concerned my body wouldn't hold up through it all.
The next morning I was scheduled to complete a 4 mile run. It took me two hours and lots of prayer before I was able to work up the desire in myself to go out at all. As I ran I thought, "If I have lost my drive to run at this point, how in the world will I encourage myself to go out and run when I'm supposed to go for 10,12,16 or 20 miles at once? I don't know if this is possible.". When I got back to my house I started reading through scriptures and stopped at the verse in Philippians. As I read and re-read the scripture, the realization dawned on me that I can't do it...by myself. I don't have the strength, desire or athletic ability to accomplish such a large goal on my own. But I was not doing it on my own. I had several friends working toward this goal with me and even better than that, I have the power of the creator of heaven and earth on my side...if I will dedicate the time and efforts to Him and ask Him to help me.
So, here I am proclaiming to the world. This coming Monday I officially begin my training schedule. It is my intention to run the Phoenix Marathon this coming February and I will dedicate all the time in training that I can to reach that goal. I know however, that I will not reach that goal with my own personal strength and efforts alone. I also know that:
- I am scared I will try and fail
- I am scared I will not be able to run fast enough to make the cut off time
- I am worried I will sustain another injury and have to stop in the middle of my training
- I am terrified at the thought of running over 10 miles at a time much less 26.2
- I am concerned that on the day of the race I will become injured or sick and not finish
- I have no idea how I will be able to successfully accomplish this
- I am scared that I will have to admit to everyone that I did not make it
May you find that God is your strength through every trial in your life and may you find that in relying on His strength all of your doubts and fears are replaced with the knowledge that in Him the only thing you can't do is fail.
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