The Day I Found My Best Friend

When I was young I knew a girl who was unbelievable.  She was always laughing and dancing around, singing songs and writing little poems.  I remember how fun it was to be with her and how amazing it was to see the world through her eyes.  The simplest things were magical and full of wonder.  A lilac bush would somehow become a shadowy castle and we would become princesses hiding from a mighty dragon waiting to pounce.  Walks through the pasture were an adventurous trek through the Saharan plain with lions stalking us just beyond the edge of the grass.  I mostly remember how completely and fiercely she loved everyone around her.  As if she was just waiting for a chance to show you how precious you were to her. She was my best friend.

Life is funny,  the people you once held dear grow and change as quickly as you do.  Even the ones you never want to lose track of somehow get lost in the shuffle.  As the years went by and we both grew I did just that, I lost touch with my best friend and found new friends to take her place.  Sure there were times I missed her,  wondered how she was doing or what had become of her.  But when you lose touch as a child it's much more difficult to find someone again.  As the years passed I came to terms with the fact that the impressions made on my life would have to suffice because we would never be able to find one another again. For all I knew she was out there somewhere actually stalking lions on the plains of Africa.  I hoped she was.

I have a friend now who tells me rather frequently that I 'think too much', I need to let go of my lovely illusion of control and go for what I am afraid to do.  I know he is right, but being the opposite of my dear childhood friend, I find the idea of not 'thinking something through' makes me slightly nauseous.  What if I just step off of the edge of a dream and fall into an oblivion? Wouldn't it have been better never to know the feeling of flight than to die in a twisted heap at the bottom of a cavern?  But there is the memory of a dreamer I once knew and her memory tells me he is right.  I need to start letting go.  I will never see my full potential until I can take chances, regardless of what the outcome may be.

Thursday while I was on a run through the neighborhood I was pondering all this and realized I even think too much about how I run.  I always hold back just enough strength in case I get too tired.  It slows me, but I consider it a fair trade because then I can plan out my energy expenditure to get me through the run with little or no problem.  As I ran it hit me, "It's not my body that holds me back, it's all my thinking!" What if I just run as hard as I can for as long as possible without thinking about it?  Thankfully at that moment a quick paced song began playing on my ipod and without giving myself time to think I kicked my body into full gear.

It was only about two blocks to my house and I was at the end of my run, but as I rounded the corner I realized I had so much more energy than I thought I could have.  My body did not want to stop moving.  I was so elated I began a strange dance/run as I passed my neighbors' house.  I saw my neighbor sitting in her vehicle as I passed and for a split second thought, "Oh no, you had better stop or she will see you.  What if someone else sees."  I slowed for a moment but was hit with the longing to just move regardless.  For about three minutes I stood in the street dancing for all I was worth, refusing to look up or think of who might see.  I danced and sang until I began to laugh out loud with joy...and that is when it happened.

Somehow in the middle of my random gyrations I found her again.  My dearest best friend from so long ago.  The smile on her face was radiant as she danced around with me in the mid afternoon sun.  As the rhythmic beat of a bollywood tune played on we were inside the Taj Mahal at a banquet dancing for royals.  In that moment the years faded away and we were as always together, two pieces of the same puzzle.  She was, as ever, the best part of who I am.  Why all these years have I hidden her from the world? What if I always held her close and told her she was precious and could do anything she set her mind to?  What force on this earth could stop us then?

The song ended and I knew my moment was over, but as I started toward my front door I imagined grabbing her still childlike hand in mine and walking into the future together.  This time I will not hold her back or leave her behind.  After all, everyone needs the best part of them to come out and dance now and again.