The Origins of Laura Ruth

This is the story of how I came to love my name.  I have not always loved my name. Laura Ruth Gill.  Laura is beautiful without question.  It is simple and elegant and almost exotic while still being very familiar.  Gill is neither great nor horrible in my opinion.  It is actually a shortened version of my family's true last name which was Gilbertson, but Gill is also a family name from India so it has an exotic twist of it's own.  But Ruth.....I have always been haunted by the name Ruth.  Maybe because I am such an independent creature I have disliked being an offshoot of my grandmother, like somehow I am a part of her even though I am my own person.  Maybe it is much more simple, maybe it's just because in Spanish my middle name is pronounced root.  For whatever reason, I have never liked sharing my middle name when asked to.

 Now please don't get me wrong it's not that Ruth is a bad name to have.  I respect Ruth from the Bible and would be honored to have her character traits.  It's also a family name and I do appreciate carrying on my grandmother's name, I just always wished it sounded better.  More romantic and flowery like Melanie or Angela or Marie or any number of other names that were less guttural.

You may be wondering where all of this is coming from.  Well, I was asked this week at work whether I had ever been given the nickname Baby Ruth growing up.  My immediate response was, "No, and I don't particularly like the name Ruth.".  My co-worker was incredulous, "How could you not like that name, it's a Biblical name."  "Well", I explained, "When you say it, it sounds like a dog barking. Ruth, Ruth, Ruth."  Go ahead....say it right now out loud and tell me I am mistaken. I'm not.  It most assuredly sounds like a dog barking in the distance. 

After the conversation died away I found myself wondering why I still clung to my childhood impression of the name.  Hadn't I learned to love my name by now?  The answer is yes, and yet it is still my gut reaction to say I don't like it.  This is to clear the slate so to speak.  To explain to you not only how much I appreciate my name, but the divine providence I see in my name choice.

As I have previously said, I did not start out appreciating my middle name.  But my first name I have always loved so when I was given a name origin assignment in first grade I was very excited to complete it.  The assignment was to find out from our parents how we were named and share it with the class the next day.  I remember sitting at the dinner table with my mom so excited to hear how they chose such a beautiful name as Laura.  My romantic illusions quickly fell away with the strange tale my mother unfolded before me.  I dreaded standing in front of my class and sharing such a ridiculous story with them.  I remember asking my mom why she was making this up and her laughing and assuring me she was not making anything up.  It was all true.

According to my mother she and my father had come to an impasse over what name I would be given.  She wanted Megan and he wanted Marsha (seriously, he wanted Marsha).  One night late in her pregnancy with me my mother had a dream.  In her dream she and my father were inside of a spaceship traveling to a distant planet.  It was a planet of love and it's name was Laura.  She woke up and quickly woke my father asking, "Johnny, what about the name Laura?" he said, "Laura, I like that name." and so I was named.  This name that I had been so proud of and thought so special.  I was named from a weird and random dream my mother had.  So much for something special right? That's what I thought at the time anyway.

I accepted my name story and it somehow grew on me.  After all, just because it was weird didn't make it less special I supposed.  But I still didn't love that name Ruth.  I guessed on the whole two out of three wasn't bad.

In my second year of college I took an overnight job at the campus library.  There were several hours a night when no one would come in and I would spend the time flipping through a giant old dictionary we had.  (Yes I am that kind of book worm.  I even enjoy thumbing through dictionaries.) One night I decided to see how many names were actually in the dictionary and I stumbled across the name Ruth.  Did you know Ruth is actually an archaic verb?  It is where the word ruthless came from.  You see ruth is actually a verb used to describe someone who is compassionate and loving to others.  As I read the entry over and let it sink into my head I recalled my mother's dream.  How interesting that she would have a dream of a planet of love named Laura and then name me Ruth which defines someone who is loving...coincidence right?

Coincidence or divine providence?  I have always felt it is my responsibility in life to show love to everyone I meet.  I don't always accomplish my goal, but I have from the youngest age felt a great desire to share love with everyone around me.  Does the name define a person or is the person defined by their name?  Or was that moment in time designed to point me in the right direction? To show me how perfectly I was made, that even my name was chosen with my future in mind.  You may not believe in divine direction and I will not try to convince you of it as that is not my job.  But I firmly believe in it and I love my name because of it.  It shows me there was a plan for me long before I took my first breath, it reminds me I am not alone in my trials.  My name was chosen for me by a divine hand and although I still don't love the sound of the name Ruth, I love what it stands for and I love those who gave it to me.  Is there a last name out there that stands for love?  Maybe if there is I will meet a man who has it and then my name will be complete.  Haha, okay that's taking it all a bit far I suppose.  .....or is it? ;)  

Oh, and Sven.....I forgot to tell you.  Even though I was not ever called Baby Ruth, I was called Ruthie and I was always partial to that nickname.