It's early Thursday morning, five am early, and I am normally sleeping in to at least seven because it's the first morning of my weekend. But my alarm has gone off and I am lying in bed debating whether I want to get up and go do what I have signed up for. I lie there for about five minutes my body, which clearly would rather stay in bed, fighting with my mind, that knows the opportunity before me is too good to miss. My mind, thankfully, wins and I get up.
As the sunrise is just beginning to dawn on the city I drive southbound across the nearly vacant landscape to my destination. The closer I get the more nervous I become. Because, you see, I am heading to be fit tested. Fit testing is an entire body fitness testing process that scientifically calculates your overall fitness level, necessary caloric intake, hydration level, cardiovascular conditioning and oxygen intake. Basically, it's something you would pay a personal fitness trainer or facility a lot of money for to determine your overall condition and create a nutritional and fitness program personalized for your needs. This awesome, in depth process is being offered to me for free and will help me tremendously in my exercise and food intake, but it also terrifies me. You see, I have an overall image of where I stand physically. I know I can eat better and do more exercise, but I'm not in poor shape and don't eat horribly....so I can live in this happy bubble of semi-contentment believing that I'm doing 'okay'. The closer I get to the test, the more I know my happy bubble is about to burst and I will be faced with the reality of how much work is ahead of me if I'm serious about changing.
The test was not difficult, and did not take a long time. The results were no worse than I imagined and everything I hoped I would miraculously not hear. I am, on the whole, healthy. I am by no means obese, nor am I the proper weight. Basically, I need to do more work. I need to pay more attention to what I am eating and how I am working out and I need to do more. It's what I knew I would hear and what I had dreaded hearing all morning. It was the truth, right there in black and white and so clear I could not ignore it. Ignoring it would mean giving up, and I promised myself I would not give up this time.
I drove home anxious and depressed. Not because I can't do more but because I don't want to. Because my pretty little bubble of a self image was burst and I had to see the reality in front of me. Basically I was pouting. When I got home I sat down and began my scripture study for the day. In my prayers I asked for guidance and perseverance to do what is necessary to make me a more healthy and strong person. When I lifted my head I set out to make a plan. I put together a menu and shopping list, something I never do. I created a workout schedule, another thing I never do. and began putting plan into action. My sense of moping disappeared, replaced with a content and excited hope at the prospect of even more change.
It didn't strike me at the moment, but now that I'm writing I cannot help but see and be amazed at the similarities in my physical and spiritual growth. When God bursts my self righteous little bubble and points out to me the truths of where I stand and what I need to change, my reaction is no different. It amazes me that He is ever patient with my sullenness and stubborn refusal to see things His way. How much happier I am when I concede and begin putting His plans into action in my life.
There is a comment the Fit test instructor made that I hope will ever stay with me. When talking about a nutritional plan he said, "Laura remember, you cannot out train your mouth no matter how hard you try. If you take in junk you will look and feel like junk.". How right he is and how true that comment is for me spiritually too. I cannot spiritually out train what I take in. If I continuously take in garbage, I will look and feel like garbage as my spirit is weighed down by the darkness I'm taking in. So it is with my physical body when I eat trash. I can't win if I'm willing to defeat myself with what I take in. This life is physically and spiritually a battle. It's time to begin training like a fighter.
I heard on the christian radio station that sometimes anger is good because it gives you to "energy" to deal with the problem. I guess if you do it the right way. It looks like you are on the right track. I have found that little hearts on the calendar for every time I work out help me. It also helps to have little munchkins saying, "You can do it Mom!"
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