On David and the Return of the Covenants

     Covenant: 1.) A usually formal, solemn, and binding agreement
                       2.) A written agreement or promise usually under a seal between two or more parties especially for the performance of some action.

     There are times when for no obvious reason I feel separated from the Lord.  I may be doing all that I know to do and praying to him, but somehow the communication is not happening.  In those moments I feel an anxious loneliness that builds inside of me and cannot be explained.  It's as though I can hear the song He is playing but, try as hard as I might, I'm just slightly off key.  I rack my mind trying to find why and how I am out of sync with His music.

     The past couple of days I have found myself in this state of limbo.  Longing to hear Him, see Him or somehow break that strange separation and truly communicate with Him once again.  This morning as I drove into work I contemplated my thoughts and feelings asking God, "What am I doing wrong that I feel so far away?  I want to feel you right next to me guiding and protecting me."  I waited for a brief moment, but nothing...so I turned on the radio and halfheartedly sang along.  All the while my heart was crying and after a few moments I could not ignore it anymore.  I turned off the radio and told the Lord I would just sit in the silence and listen for Him....nothing.  Mentally I began talking over my feelings with one of my friends when all at once it dawned on me....maybe I should just talk it over with Him.  Huh. That should have been more obvious.  So I started talking,  I started by apologizing if it was an incorrect approach but I just felt the need to talk with Him as though He was sitting right next to me.  I told Him how I felt and did not understand why.  Was there something inside my heart holding me back from Him?  Then it came.  No voices, no lightning or thunder, just a single thought, "your will". All at once it was that obvious, my will.

     This human heart of mine is such a willful thing.  Even in moments when I believe I have handed over the controls there is a part of me, ever so tiny, that withholds.  It was that part of my heart which was making me deaf to the Lord.  Keeping me from feeling His whole presence, because I was attempting to keep Him from the whole of my heart.

     I know you are wondering what this can possibly have to do with David of old...but I promise I am getting there.  Typically I start my morning with a run.  It's a beautiful run and a perfect way to start the day, but after my revelation on my way in I felt the need to spend the time walking with my Heavenly Father.  I wanted to watch the earth wake up while still feeling Him close to me, as if waiting to show me the day He created for me.  I turned on my praise music and began a slow jog along the canal where I run.  It was splendid and with each step I relinquished a little more of my personal hopes and desires.

     As I jogged I thought of David.  When he returned to Jerusalem with the Ark and Covenant.  I considered how he came before it dancing and singing praises to his God.  The story has always been intriguing to me.  I remember as a small child thinking his wife was probably right to mock him for acting like a fool in public like that.  As I have grown my outlook on the story has changed, but this morning I believe part of its purpose came into full focus for me.  Here was David, the king of a chosen people.  What responsibilities and weights must have been on his shoulders?  He believed in the faithfulness of his God and yet he was human and prone to failure.  How could he lead a people without divine strength and guidance?  Without a sacred covenant to lend him wisdom and truth.

     I don't know how familiar you may be with the history but the Ark and Covenant was not just a sacred relic or symbol.  It contained the expectations and promises between a people and their God.  It had been lost to them because of their refusal to fulfill their end of the bargain.  Because of their short sighted disobedience of God's laws.  Now, after years of struggling without the fullness of His presence in their midst, the people had turned their hearts to Him and were being given in return the sacred promises of God's guidance and protection.  The covenant was being returned into their midst.

     While thinking on what the scene may have been like and the joy at the Lord's return to their midst, I saw with perfect clarity how overwhelmed David must have been.  The all encompassing need to praise His holy name and the complete lack of ability to properly do so in our lowly human form.  Every cell in his body must have been bursting at the seams to shout praises to God and all he could do to show his thankfulness and praise was to leap and dance and sing like a madman. Then the thought hit me, "Did I not have a small portion of such a miracle this very morning?"

     Sure enough...I was separated from my Savior by my attempts to withhold my heart from Him and He, in His mercy, showed me the way to tear down those walls and be allowed back into His full presence.  True, mine was not on such a large scale, but was it not the same process?  Well...what else could I do?

     I knelt down right there on the canal path and thanked the Lord.  I don't remember the specific words except that I asked Him to help me praise His name through my words and actions throughout the day.  That I would be worthy of His covenant with me.  Then I went a little David all up and down that canal.  I danced around for all I was worth spinning and singing and thanking the Lord for His patience with me.

     I would love to say that my lesson is learned and I will never again allow my own will to cloud my relationship with my Heavenly Father...but I know my failings too well to lie to you.  I am a willful creature by nature and I am sure I will have to fight that nature until my dying day, but I am thankful that when I do fight it I will forever have this testimony to remind me.  May God bless your day and give you great testimonies of His ever present care!