Several months back my bff and I were talking about her upcoming wedding. She was looking online for a chuppah for the ceremony and could not find something that felt right. Being a best friend I of course got online and began researching with her. Jess was totally right. There were some pretty chuppahs online, but they were either much too simple or ornate to fit her style. They just didn't speak to the significance and beauty I knew she would want it to posses. Plus, for the most part they were hugely expensive. As I was looking online I began praying, "Lord, what would be best for Jess and Charlie? If there's something out there that would fit them please help either her or I to find it so she won't be stressed about it. Show me what would work." Then as I looked at photo after photo, slowly an idea began to form in my mind. A picture of what felt like a perfect fit for Jess and Charlie and the commitment they felt to their Heavenly Father and future life together. After another hour or so of looking, I had found nothing like what I could see in my minds eye. Being a poor artist and a bit afraid she would hate the idea, I hesitatingly drew out what I saw in my mind. A simple square with intertwined wedding rings, the wedding date centered in the bands and surrounding them the phrase, "I have found the one in whom my soul delights." I sent Jess a picture of my idea and was super surprised at her response. Both she and Charlie really liked it. "I think I can just make it for you.", I calmly replied. It was decided, I was to make the chuppah.
I am by no means a talented seamstress. My skill level sits right at 'I do well enough to make things that are not hideous....mostly'; because of this I do not sew on a regular basis. I do however love the act of making any gift for someone I love. I truly enjoy the time spent working at the task, considering the person I am making it for. How will they like it most? Will they be able to feel my love for them when they look at it? How can I make it best fit who they are in their heart of hearts? I love sitting and working on the item while I pray over the person it is intended for. I like to imagine all of the love and prayers that are put into the gift will make up for the flaws that I am sure will exist in the final product. Needless to say, I prayed quite a bit over this chuppah. By the time my hours of cutting, sewing and stitching on beads were done I had come to love this representation of Jess and Charlie's future home. I loved the spiritual and cultural significance behind it, what it represented to them and how honored I was to have had such a huge part in the building of it. I was also terrified the end result would not be what she had pictured in her mind and she would find herself disappointed in my efforts. I knew Jess was too sweet to ever let me know if she did not love it, so I prayed all the harder that God would bless it to be just right for both she and Charlie. I knew in the grand scheme of things it wouldn't ruin their day, but I wanted my part to be worthy of the love they were celebrating. I was very much thankful and relieved when they were both happy with the outcome.
By this point you are probably wondering what the thunder this has to do with home and family. Well, everything really. The tie in is coming I promise.
All in all with planning, shopping, cutting, sewing and beading the chuppah took about 50hrs to complete. That's a lot of hours to pray for and contemplate the future of Jess and Charlie and their sweet family. Sometimes during my contemplation my mind would wander to the concepts of family and home in general. What makes a family? What is it to build a home together? What are the joys and trials that come with that process? There are so many unseen ties that need to be made. So many chances each person must be willing to take. Ones that can be super risky, especially at the onset. How does one get to the point where they are willing to say, "I will risk complete failure and heartbreak for just the chance that this could be as fantastic as I am thinking it may be."?
I am someone who likes control, especially over my heart. Unless you are a child you do not get a free pass into my inner sanctuary, especially if you are someone who I could become severely attached to only to lose. Okay, yeah I know in my head that is not the best way to be....but my head and my heart tend to speak two different languages sometimes. It just is a fact I have to struggle with as an individual. Because of that fact even the thought of giving up possible control of what I'm thinking/feeling toward someone and being willing to share that without first having some major assurances is freakishly terrifying to me. But the truth is those risks are required all of the time in building families and homes. Because who can possibly hurt us more than the ones we rely on the most, and who can ever build us up more than those in who's presence we are most at home?
So, here is my point in all of this rambling. I want to not be afraid to not know what will come of something. I want to be willing to jump and let The Lord make it what He will. I want to have that perfect love which is the absence of fear, with everyone and not just with my best friends and the innocent children in my life. I want to know that I can look at someone and think, "Yeah, lets just see. I'm willing to risk it." I want to put as much of my heart into a possibility as I put into Jess' chuppah, just to hand it over with nothing but the hope that it is exactly what they were needing at just the right moment.
